I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
