I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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