Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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