I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
