I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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