Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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