I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
