I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
