im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
