walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
