Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
