So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I pour the whiskey from now on
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
