$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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