Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
