sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
