What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she looked like the before picture.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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