I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
