why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
