yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so explain again why im purple
no
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
