BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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