oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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