It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
