Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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