Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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