3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
