Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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