When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
