Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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