there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
