I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
