is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
