I am spending my child support on dildos
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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