Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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