sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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