trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
