Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
