And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
