You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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