i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
