Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
