I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
