I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
