I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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