My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
