I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
