I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
