Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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