it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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