This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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