Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
