Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
