Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
