My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
