so that wasnt chicken after all
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
