Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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