His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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