the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i need some magic done to my vagina
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
