Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
