Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
