So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
