Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
