There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
