Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He passed out mid-signature
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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