Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
