I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
