Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
